I just watched "THe Last Mimsy" with my children. To say this movie sucked is an understatement.
Just some background, two kids find some "toys" on the beach near Seattle. These toys have special powers and one, a stuffed rabbit, can talk. Well talk isn't really what it does, it sounds like a cross between Charlie Brown's teacher and the little Robot on Buck Rogers. In essence these toys give the kids special ability's and of course the big bad government gets involved.
In the end we find out that this whole movie was really about saving the environment and how the "typical alien" is really just a human in a suit designed to protect humans from the toxic environment.
Honestly I don't know why I continued to sit through this movie. It sucked, it was not even halfway creative, the story line was atrocious, and talk about campy, it should win an award!
I just love how movie folk feel the need to broadcast their environmental views on the big screen in the form of children's movies. Every children's movie I see lately has the environment as it's main subject, thinly veiled in some cutesy poopsie kids stuff.
What ever happened to Uncle Remus?
Friday, December 28, 2007
Close Your Mind
o·pen-mind·ed (pn-mndd)
adj.
Having or showing receptiveness to new and different ideas or the opinions of
othersclose-mind·ed (klsmndd, klz-) or closed-mind·ed (klzd-)
adj.
Intolerant of the beliefs and opinions of others; stubbornly unreceptive to new ideas
An open mind is nothing like a whore that anyone can ride for the price of admission.
An open mind allows a person to entertain new ideas without absently rejecting those thoughts or ideas out of hand. Do these thoughts and ideas need to be judged? Yes. Is everything that enters the mind wholesome? No. In order to filter out the good from the bad the mind must first be open to all information and then allow that information to be filtered out accordingly.
A closed mind is a mind that does not have a filter. Instead, like a closed and locked glass door, everything can be seen for a second prior to the thought bouncing back off but nothing is allowed inside for further scrutiny. This type of mind has led to wars, extermination of knowledge, the death of Christ, the imprisonment of great minds, etc.
It is true in this world that most information is given with some type of agenda. Who to vote for, what to eat, who to worship, how to worship, etc.
Some Examples,
Gallileo, stating that the Earth rotated around the sun, heretical at the time
Fat is bad, okay but what about fat folks, do they not like being fat? Is it wrong? Who knows?
Meat is bad for you, a lie put forth by the animal rights activists. Or don't you believe in God because the scriptures tell us that animals were put on the earth for mans consumption and to not eat meat is a sin. I know everyone will argue this so feel free and then read the BOM
Speaking of which, The Book of Mormon, agenda? Should we not allow our children to read this book until they are old enough to judge for themselves the truthfulness? Or....is this somehow different?
Golden Compass, how sinister a plot to get children to hate God. IF parents are doing their job why would the child hate God based on a book or movie?
A Work and A glory, hmmmm agenda here, naw coudln't be. Although I have read that this author has gone on record stating his belief in God and the fact that all people should read his book as their faith will grow, etc.
I know everyone will be offended by this but I am trying to make a point here. Everyone in this world has different beliefs. Who is to say who is right and who is wrong?
Next argument, but we know whats right and we know whats wrong based on gospel principles. Ok but how does the rest of the world see us? Do they know what we know? Do we know what we think we know?
Not all is as it seems, perhaps a little filtered mindedness is needed.
adj.
Having or showing receptiveness to new and different ideas or the opinions of
othersclose-mind·ed (klsmndd, klz-) or closed-mind·ed (klzd-)
adj.
Intolerant of the beliefs and opinions of others; stubbornly unreceptive to new ideas
An open mind is nothing like a whore that anyone can ride for the price of admission.
An open mind allows a person to entertain new ideas without absently rejecting those thoughts or ideas out of hand. Do these thoughts and ideas need to be judged? Yes. Is everything that enters the mind wholesome? No. In order to filter out the good from the bad the mind must first be open to all information and then allow that information to be filtered out accordingly.
A closed mind is a mind that does not have a filter. Instead, like a closed and locked glass door, everything can be seen for a second prior to the thought bouncing back off but nothing is allowed inside for further scrutiny. This type of mind has led to wars, extermination of knowledge, the death of Christ, the imprisonment of great minds, etc.
It is true in this world that most information is given with some type of agenda. Who to vote for, what to eat, who to worship, how to worship, etc.
Some Examples,
Gallileo, stating that the Earth rotated around the sun, heretical at the time
Fat is bad, okay but what about fat folks, do they not like being fat? Is it wrong? Who knows?
Meat is bad for you, a lie put forth by the animal rights activists. Or don't you believe in God because the scriptures tell us that animals were put on the earth for mans consumption and to not eat meat is a sin. I know everyone will argue this so feel free and then read the BOM
Speaking of which, The Book of Mormon, agenda? Should we not allow our children to read this book until they are old enough to judge for themselves the truthfulness? Or....is this somehow different?
Golden Compass, how sinister a plot to get children to hate God. IF parents are doing their job why would the child hate God based on a book or movie?
A Work and A glory, hmmmm agenda here, naw coudln't be. Although I have read that this author has gone on record stating his belief in God and the fact that all people should read his book as their faith will grow, etc.
I know everyone will be offended by this but I am trying to make a point here. Everyone in this world has different beliefs. Who is to say who is right and who is wrong?
Next argument, but we know whats right and we know whats wrong based on gospel principles. Ok but how does the rest of the world see us? Do they know what we know? Do we know what we think we know?
Not all is as it seems, perhaps a little filtered mindedness is needed.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Killing Imagination and Freedom of Speach
A few months ago I received an E-mail (spam) stating that the movie, Golden Compass, was to be avoided at all costs. It was stated in this E-mail that the theme of the movie and books, centered around the killing of God. Of course this made me curious so, not being one to take things at face value I decided to find out for myself if the rumours were true.
Interestingly a few weeks before the E-mail I had purchased the book, Golden Compass, for my daughter who had started reading it but found out about the movie and decided to watch the movie first because she know's, like all of us, that reading the book and then watching the movie, many times, makes the movie less enjoyable when the screenwriter veers steadily away from the book.
This passt week my curiosity got the better of me and I began to read.
The story is about a girl who is growing up at Oxford University where she was left by her uncle as her parents had died and left her an orphan. We find out later the her "uncle" is really her father. The girl is very precocious and very intelligent although prone to telling tall tales. Along the way children start to disapear being taken by Gobblers to who knows where. The girl has a friend that is kidnapped so she sets off in search of him. Many thing s happen along her journey which finally leads her to a mountain top with her father and mother who are both abviously crazy with power. Another world opens up and at the end of the book she enters it in order to try to find the source of dust. What is dust? Read the book to find out.
Ok, so here is what I know. This book is one of fantasy, no differnt than Lord of the Rings or any other fantsy, Sci-fi book. It does have at it's core a struggle between good and evil. God's name is never mentioned. Nobody called God is killed nor is anyone killed who might be considered God. Is there a religious undertone, yes. This undertone is vague at best and I highly doubt that any child would even pick up on it.
In my opinion The Golden Compass is a decent read although it left me anxious to get on with the story at times. I doubt that most children will even finish the book as it is a bit wordy and at times drags. I did however read it in one sitting as there is enough adventure and mystery to keep the pages turning, plus with the aspect of killing God at the end , as the media has onformed us, you can't help but be curious.
Personally I think this book is about keeping an open mind and in the end you might find another entire world that you didn't know exsisted.
In my small community my daughter came home from school and informed me the librarian wants to burn all the books by this offer. When asked if she had read them she looked appalled and said she would never read anything anti-christian. To me this is repulsive. Who would burn a book that they hadn't read only becasue of a stupid E-mail. Wake up people! Open your minds and hearts to alternate possibilities.
Interestingly a few weeks before the E-mail I had purchased the book, Golden Compass, for my daughter who had started reading it but found out about the movie and decided to watch the movie first because she know's, like all of us, that reading the book and then watching the movie, many times, makes the movie less enjoyable when the screenwriter veers steadily away from the book.
This passt week my curiosity got the better of me and I began to read.
The story is about a girl who is growing up at Oxford University where she was left by her uncle as her parents had died and left her an orphan. We find out later the her "uncle" is really her father. The girl is very precocious and very intelligent although prone to telling tall tales. Along the way children start to disapear being taken by Gobblers to who knows where. The girl has a friend that is kidnapped so she sets off in search of him. Many thing s happen along her journey which finally leads her to a mountain top with her father and mother who are both abviously crazy with power. Another world opens up and at the end of the book she enters it in order to try to find the source of dust. What is dust? Read the book to find out.
Ok, so here is what I know. This book is one of fantasy, no differnt than Lord of the Rings or any other fantsy, Sci-fi book. It does have at it's core a struggle between good and evil. God's name is never mentioned. Nobody called God is killed nor is anyone killed who might be considered God. Is there a religious undertone, yes. This undertone is vague at best and I highly doubt that any child would even pick up on it.
In my opinion The Golden Compass is a decent read although it left me anxious to get on with the story at times. I doubt that most children will even finish the book as it is a bit wordy and at times drags. I did however read it in one sitting as there is enough adventure and mystery to keep the pages turning, plus with the aspect of killing God at the end , as the media has onformed us, you can't help but be curious.
Personally I think this book is about keeping an open mind and in the end you might find another entire world that you didn't know exsisted.
In my small community my daughter came home from school and informed me the librarian wants to burn all the books by this offer. When asked if she had read them she looked appalled and said she would never read anything anti-christian. To me this is repulsive. Who would burn a book that they hadn't read only becasue of a stupid E-mail. Wake up people! Open your minds and hearts to alternate possibilities.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Rockin it Texas Style
Went out last night 10/25 to see some awesome Texas bands. These guys freaking rocked! Not your normal country music type of Texas bands, oh no, more like in your face punk and southern Texas rock!
Although there were about ten bands I will tell y'all about the two best.
First let me say, if you don't live in Texas then you might as well pack your bags and step off into your grave! Cause if you ain't in Texas you might as well be dead.
So onward.........
Okay I am going to start out with the Texas Hippie Coalition. I am starting here but saving the best for last.
These guys are totally awesome. They play in you face Texas rock. The lead singer is HUGE and I mean HUGE! He has to be about 6 feet 10 inches and weighs in around 400 pounds, I am not joking, he is like me only taller! He wears a cowboy hat with hair down to his knees and a beard to his waist. He goes on stage wearing a vest without a shirt and it is so cool. And can the man sing, OMG he can sing! The rest of the band ranges from bearded hippies to long haired rockers. They perform all original songs which are distinctivly Texan!
Go check them out on myspace at http://www.myspace.com/texashippiecoalition
If you like it hard and hot these guys ar the answer!
Now for the band to end all bands. I love these guys and know them personally. They are awesome and deserve to be doing what they are doing.
Who are they?
SOMSARA
The lead singer Janardan is the best guy in the world and God gave him an awesome talent. He can scream with the best but still get down and let out a quiet side that is so intelligent it is creepy.
This band is very punk and very hard. If you like to mosh and bang your head this is the band for you. They are pure texas rock at it's finest and they are originally from right here in Grayson county Texas!
SOMSARA plays all original songs with a fervor that the biggest baddest recording artists would be hard pressed to follow. When off stage they are totally down to earth and love to hang with the crowds.
To Janardan, thanks for the shout out last night. You made me feel like the star and for a moment I was. You freakin rock!!!!!!
Go check these guys out at somsara.com or on thier myspace. You won't be dissapointed!
Now just to let everyone know. I went out last night sporting a blue mohawk and I have been growing out my goatee so that it is a little long, about 3 inches now. I dyed it and the hawk blue then sprayed glitter in both, I looked so cool!
People thought I was 25, which is a lot better than the 41 i was guessed at a few weeks ago!
Oh well nothing funny to report this week. Maybe on Sunday?
Lord
Although there were about ten bands I will tell y'all about the two best.
First let me say, if you don't live in Texas then you might as well pack your bags and step off into your grave! Cause if you ain't in Texas you might as well be dead.
So onward.........
Okay I am going to start out with the Texas Hippie Coalition. I am starting here but saving the best for last.
These guys are totally awesome. They play in you face Texas rock. The lead singer is HUGE and I mean HUGE! He has to be about 6 feet 10 inches and weighs in around 400 pounds, I am not joking, he is like me only taller! He wears a cowboy hat with hair down to his knees and a beard to his waist. He goes on stage wearing a vest without a shirt and it is so cool. And can the man sing, OMG he can sing! The rest of the band ranges from bearded hippies to long haired rockers. They perform all original songs which are distinctivly Texan!
Go check them out on myspace at http://www.myspace.com/texashippiecoalition
If you like it hard and hot these guys ar the answer!
Now for the band to end all bands. I love these guys and know them personally. They are awesome and deserve to be doing what they are doing.
Who are they?
SOMSARA
The lead singer Janardan is the best guy in the world and God gave him an awesome talent. He can scream with the best but still get down and let out a quiet side that is so intelligent it is creepy.
This band is very punk and very hard. If you like to mosh and bang your head this is the band for you. They are pure texas rock at it's finest and they are originally from right here in Grayson county Texas!
SOMSARA plays all original songs with a fervor that the biggest baddest recording artists would be hard pressed to follow. When off stage they are totally down to earth and love to hang with the crowds.
To Janardan, thanks for the shout out last night. You made me feel like the star and for a moment I was. You freakin rock!!!!!!
Go check these guys out at somsara.com or on thier myspace. You won't be dissapointed!
Now just to let everyone know. I went out last night sporting a blue mohawk and I have been growing out my goatee so that it is a little long, about 3 inches now. I dyed it and the hawk blue then sprayed glitter in both, I looked so cool!
People thought I was 25, which is a lot better than the 41 i was guessed at a few weeks ago!
Oh well nothing funny to report this week. Maybe on Sunday?
Lord
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Posting as Promised
Just for Desert Girl!
I was invited to a drag queen show at a local club by some friends and let me tell you I had the time of my life.
My gosh I couldn't believe what I saw, men er ladies er yeah that looked better than most women. Unbelievable.
The show was hosted by Ivana Tramp who I knew prior to the show, She he brought several other people, with her. Crazy stuff.
I of course had to sit on the front row where I had the time of my life. My friend Ivana decided I needed to have my photo taken with her sitting on my lap. Can't wait to see it.
Now you may be wondering how I know a transvestite, yes folks he is a she completely, boobs and all. It is a long story but suffice it to say that I know a guy who plays in a band who is also a bartender at the local gay bar. I go to most of this guys performances and he introduced me to this gorgeous blonde girl who I later found out was er used to be a guy.
So that is how I ended up at a gay bar in Texas watching drag queens and having a blast. i would go back again.
Well I know this blog is lame but i thought I would share that with you. Maybe one of these days i will write something funny again but right now i don't feel like it.
Lord
I was invited to a drag queen show at a local club by some friends and let me tell you I had the time of my life.
My gosh I couldn't believe what I saw, men er ladies er yeah that looked better than most women. Unbelievable.
The show was hosted by Ivana Tramp who I knew prior to the show, She he brought several other people, with her. Crazy stuff.
I of course had to sit on the front row where I had the time of my life. My friend Ivana decided I needed to have my photo taken with her sitting on my lap. Can't wait to see it.
Now you may be wondering how I know a transvestite, yes folks he is a she completely, boobs and all. It is a long story but suffice it to say that I know a guy who plays in a band who is also a bartender at the local gay bar. I go to most of this guys performances and he introduced me to this gorgeous blonde girl who I later found out was er used to be a guy.
So that is how I ended up at a gay bar in Texas watching drag queens and having a blast. i would go back again.
Well I know this blog is lame but i thought I would share that with you. Maybe one of these days i will write something funny again but right now i don't feel like it.
Lord
Friday, October 19, 2007
Allrighty Then
Okay y'all I will post something up here in the next few days. Maybe something about a Rich Young Dumb Nymphomaniac! lol Go check out Cross Canadian Ragweed and you will get it!
Till then the Lord is out!
Till then the Lord is out!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Back by Popular Demand
How is all of ye anyhoo? Nobady must miss me too much as no one leaves any comments here. I keep checking all you alls blogs and you all suck
Friday, August 3, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Ramblings
I don't feel like posting anything but I knew you were all craving something so I thought I would post this up.
Did you know that in Mexico candy stores also sale booze? True story I guess this saves time. Kids go get the daily tequila and pick up a treat for yourselves!
So I guess that is about it.
Did you know that in Mexico candy stores also sale booze? True story I guess this saves time. Kids go get the daily tequila and pick up a treat for yourselves!
So I guess that is about it.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
I Have Had an NDE
Hello, my name is Lord and I would like to share an experience with you. I died back in(insert fictitious date here) and while dead had an NDE or NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE for those of you not in the know. Of course I sprung back to life later.....or did I.......hmmmmmm interesting thought. Perhaps I am actually in hell and this is my punishment for eternity........
Back to the NDE......
So I was chillin at home one night and whoops forgot to tell you about how crappy my life was growing up......
Dad and Mom were poor so we never had anything. I worked my butt off and gave it all to them. Dad whipped me with his belt while mom beat me with kitchen utensils. At the ripe old age of eight I was forced into life as a male gigolo and began to administer random acts of kindness to older men (for the naive please read between the lines). My life sucked so I decided to make it better but no matter how I tried I failed so as I was saying....
I was chillin at home one night when all of a sudden in the wink of an eye a Cadillac Sedan passed me by.....whoops those are the words to Hot rod Lincoln.....
So there I was chillin when long story short I croaked, ate the dirt sandwich, checked out, passed away, died, went to see my maker, bit the dust, crapped out, started to rot, checked out, stepped into the casket, you know died as in DEAD!
Don't ask what killed me cause I don't know. What I do know I will relay in the following story:
So there I am chillin and all of a sudden I am looking down on myself and going, "man this is wack I look so fat, I should go to the gym." and then it hits me, man this ain't right. About this time I am whisked away to some strange land where there is so much love an beauty. The colors were so vivid and strange like nothing on earth. I was communicating with, well I really don't know what but I was communicating just the same. All of my questions were answered immediately and so since I knew everything, I started to check out the new diggs. I walked past a building that was a library and thought cool since I haven't had answers to all my questions yet I will go in and check it out but then I realized I already Had all my questions answered except one...why the heck is there a library when all your questions have already been answered? Wait a minute if I knew all then why did I need to walk around the new diggs wouldn't I already know what it looked like and where it was and wait a minute I smell a rat!
So I went in the library and looked in one of the giant tomes and it said....quit tellin stupid lies about the afterlife. What a dumb book!!!
So some old lady came up to me but she wasn't really old cause everybody was the same age, about 23, and said, "yo what's your name?" and so I introduced myself, "Westin Allen." She then said so Allen you know it is not your time....huh Allen I told her my name was WESTIN ALLEN what a dumb dead lady, couldn't be related...or could she....shouldn't I already know since all my questions were answered? Now this is a dilemma....
I think it was my 26th great grandmother the queen of England and so.....
I felt this giant sucking sound and then I was back in my body, but I had full knowledge of what I had seen. I also remembered all my questions that had been answered and so I am now the richest and most famous person on the earth....
Wait a dern minute I am not....I think none of this happened. I hate NDE!!!!
I hope I never have another NDE/dream as it gets my hopes up and then dashes then to the ground when I find out it wasn't real.....but wait......
I could right a book and make millions, millions I tell you.
A subliminal message was included in this blog which will force you to go buy my book when it is released and then encourage your Friends to buy it also....
Excellent (I say this while tapping my fingertips together) excellent!!!!!!
Now what......
Oh shite it is the piebald face coming in for the kill. Help me hippoman I am in trouble....
The purple fields of foliage are so beautiful where is particle man?
I sit among the pansies looking for gold with a triangle and a Rolex which doesn't work for protection.
I know no comments on this one way to -out there- for yall.
I say comment or die lame excuses for relatives.
Watch out for the NDE don't let it get you!!!!!!
Back to the NDE......
So I was chillin at home one night and whoops forgot to tell you about how crappy my life was growing up......
Dad and Mom were poor so we never had anything. I worked my butt off and gave it all to them. Dad whipped me with his belt while mom beat me with kitchen utensils. At the ripe old age of eight I was forced into life as a male gigolo and began to administer random acts of kindness to older men (for the naive please read between the lines). My life sucked so I decided to make it better but no matter how I tried I failed so as I was saying....
I was chillin at home one night when all of a sudden in the wink of an eye a Cadillac Sedan passed me by.....whoops those are the words to Hot rod Lincoln.....
So there I was chillin when long story short I croaked, ate the dirt sandwich, checked out, passed away, died, went to see my maker, bit the dust, crapped out, started to rot, checked out, stepped into the casket, you know died as in DEAD!
Don't ask what killed me cause I don't know. What I do know I will relay in the following story:
So there I am chillin and all of a sudden I am looking down on myself and going, "man this is wack I look so fat, I should go to the gym." and then it hits me, man this ain't right. About this time I am whisked away to some strange land where there is so much love an beauty. The colors were so vivid and strange like nothing on earth. I was communicating with, well I really don't know what but I was communicating just the same. All of my questions were answered immediately and so since I knew everything, I started to check out the new diggs. I walked past a building that was a library and thought cool since I haven't had answers to all my questions yet I will go in and check it out but then I realized I already Had all my questions answered except one...why the heck is there a library when all your questions have already been answered? Wait a minute if I knew all then why did I need to walk around the new diggs wouldn't I already know what it looked like and where it was and wait a minute I smell a rat!
So I went in the library and looked in one of the giant tomes and it said....quit tellin stupid lies about the afterlife. What a dumb book!!!
So some old lady came up to me but she wasn't really old cause everybody was the same age, about 23, and said, "yo what's your name?" and so I introduced myself, "Westin Allen." She then said so Allen you know it is not your time....huh Allen I told her my name was WESTIN ALLEN what a dumb dead lady, couldn't be related...or could she....shouldn't I already know since all my questions were answered? Now this is a dilemma....
I think it was my 26th great grandmother the queen of England and so.....
I felt this giant sucking sound and then I was back in my body, but I had full knowledge of what I had seen. I also remembered all my questions that had been answered and so I am now the richest and most famous person on the earth....
Wait a dern minute I am not....I think none of this happened. I hate NDE!!!!
I hope I never have another NDE/dream as it gets my hopes up and then dashes then to the ground when I find out it wasn't real.....but wait......
I could right a book and make millions, millions I tell you.
A subliminal message was included in this blog which will force you to go buy my book when it is released and then encourage your Friends to buy it also....
Excellent (I say this while tapping my fingertips together) excellent!!!!!!
Now what......
Oh shite it is the piebald face coming in for the kill. Help me hippoman I am in trouble....
The purple fields of foliage are so beautiful where is particle man?
I sit among the pansies looking for gold with a triangle and a Rolex which doesn't work for protection.
I know no comments on this one way to -out there- for yall.
I say comment or die lame excuses for relatives.
Watch out for the NDE don't let it get you!!!!!!
Saturday, July 7, 2007
http://www.lakepirateforums.com/Forums/viewtopic/t=10290/start=0.html
For those of you who don't know, we have been recieving an inardinate amount of rainfall lately which has led to severe flooding around our dear Texas. The link above will take you to a web site that shows arial photos of Lake Texoma, about 1 mile form whre I live, and other lakes in the area.
Should give you and idea of the terrain around the area.
Our house came within two inches of flooding, see photo
We have been getting several inches of rain each day most of it coming in one or two hour bursts. When I say several inches I am talking 5 to 10 inches in one or tow hours. Totally crazy.
My lawn is about 2 feet high as it has been too wet to mow. I am heading to Michigan this week and so my lawn will be really crappy when I get back and I will take about 7 hours to mow, assuming it dries out.
Goodnight yall I gotta go!
For those of you who don't know, we have been recieving an inardinate amount of rainfall lately which has led to severe flooding around our dear Texas. The link above will take you to a web site that shows arial photos of Lake Texoma, about 1 mile form whre I live, and other lakes in the area.
Should give you and idea of the terrain around the area.
Our house came within two inches of flooding, see photo
We have been getting several inches of rain each day most of it coming in one or two hour bursts. When I say several inches I am talking 5 to 10 inches in one or tow hours. Totally crazy.
My lawn is about 2 feet high as it has been too wet to mow. I am heading to Michigan this week and so my lawn will be really crappy when I get back and I will take about 7 hours to mow, assuming it dries out.
Goodnight yall I gotta go!
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Oh yeah about Horace
The Horace story is true except for the squirrel thing. I threw that in just to shake it up a bit. All of the lines used in the story were actually uttered during a company training meeting by old Horace.
I actually wrote down the sayings as he said them and put them in context so I could remember for later. With a little artistic liscence (not much) the story below was born.
Must have been one of the weirdest experiences of my life!
I actually wrote down the sayings as he said them and put them in context so I could remember for later. With a little artistic liscence (not much) the story below was born.
Must have been one of the weirdest experiences of my life!
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Horace
It all started with Horace, or as he preferred to be called, Carp. Horace thought being called Carp was a real belly busting nick name derived from his last name, Carpenter. When old Carp would meet new folks he would always say, "You can call me Carp, like the fish, and no I am not a bottom feeder."
The first time I met Carp he was dressed in what I came to know was his standard issue light grey almost blue 100% polyester dress pants with a white dress shirt. I don't know where he found them but these pants were unique to say the least.
They rode his hips like fry sauce on a tater and had one of those special little flaps of material with a button hole in it that could be secured about halfway round the side of his waist. the front of these pants were plain, and I mean plain nothing there, no pleats no style no nothing. Much like spandex biker shorts his pants clung to every bulge and crevice of his body like a tape worm to an intestine outlining his trouser snake like a ten pound turd in a five pound bag. Carp never seemed to notice.
He had a habit of sitting on the edge of a table when he would talk, and if you were sitting in a chair the show would begin. He must have had that thing trained with all the gyrations and acrobatics it would go through while he talked. Of course everyone tried not to look but like lookey loo's at a traffic accident it was hard to help it.
Now you may be wondering why anyone would be sitting down while ole Carp was a jib jabbing away, why a person wouldn't just leave so as to avoid the "show." You see Carp was a motivational speaker hired by the corporate big wigs to try and motivate and invigorate the company employee's. Actually he wasn't hired directly but by default he is what we got. Originally there was another more qualified speaker who was supposed to come but she backed out at the last minute and recommended Carp. Whether this was a trick used by motivational speakers to give work to Carp I don't know but Carp was working and so was his little friend.
I don't know if Carp lived in a van down by the river but I do know he was as strange as a duck fart in a movie theater.
Carp would start off his motivational speech by saying, "Whoo, I got blind stabbed lucky to get this little doobie. If old Betsy Wetsy hadn't got sick I wouldn't have ever had this chance to meet you fine folks." At this point I should add that Carp sounded like Earnest T from the Andy Griffeth show.
As the verbal prowess continued to flow from his mouth and the acrobatics in his pant commenced he would say something like, "What are you guys looking at? The look on your faces is really starting to freak me out." Once when a fellow peer tried to ask him a question Carp responded with, "It doesn't matter if your left leg is up the sun is shining and it is a half moon it just doesn't matter!"
One of the human resource people that were there said something like, At our company we use had wipes to clean our hands instead of soap as it is more environmentally friendly, to which Carp responded, "Well whoopdidadgumdoo!"
At this point I was having a hard time holding in my laughter and carps trouser snake was giving me the old shut up gesture so I started to write down his sayings rather than take notes as I felt this was a better use of my time and would perhaps allow me to miss out on most of TS's antics. (TS is short for trouser snake)
It was at his point when out of the blue, previously he had been talking about raising minature horses, he exclaimed, "Watermelon? Some eat it!" Huh? So I wrote it down. when talking about something difficult he would say, "it will be like trying to push a wet noodle up a 45 degree slope." Yeah old Carp had a million of them and they just kept coming.
At times I felt as if I were inside a Stephen King novel expecting Carp to shed his human skin and allow his reptilian self out for a snack. When excited he would exclaim, "mugguly, mugguly, mugguly or hookagoochi's." He also had a knack for using acronyms that only he knew what they meant. An example of this would be, "I put an RFP to the PMP who gave me a SOW to put into the WBS as specified in the PMBOK." What the crap er carp?
About this time is when it started to get weird. Carp started to dance around like his tail was on fire and his ass was catching. He asked on of my fellow workers to see if he could do any better. He started to talk about breeding horses and how he had seven hundred mini steers or some such. I started to wonder if he was running some type of animal human sex farm like Doctor Morreua.
Several times I thought I was going to die of laughter or fright or both, didn't know. By now carp was sweating like Lance Armstrong at the halfway point. Only thing was now old trouser bob was looking as if he was going to poke his way out of the dime store pants and attack at any moment. The more excited Carp got the more excited TS got until......
You remember the little flap of cloth holding the pants together? Well the button snapped right off there from all the pressure and out popped..........
A small squirrel........
It seems old Carp liked to have a little company down in his pants for motivation when motivationally speaking and things had gotten little out of hand....er....in squirrel hands.....
After apologizing and while the police cuffed him and the squirrel and hauled them off to wherever they take squirrel molestors....
Carp asked, "whoopdidagumdoo that was exciting, when would you all like me to come back and finish what I started?"
The first time I met Carp he was dressed in what I came to know was his standard issue light grey almost blue 100% polyester dress pants with a white dress shirt. I don't know where he found them but these pants were unique to say the least.
They rode his hips like fry sauce on a tater and had one of those special little flaps of material with a button hole in it that could be secured about halfway round the side of his waist. the front of these pants were plain, and I mean plain nothing there, no pleats no style no nothing. Much like spandex biker shorts his pants clung to every bulge and crevice of his body like a tape worm to an intestine outlining his trouser snake like a ten pound turd in a five pound bag. Carp never seemed to notice.
He had a habit of sitting on the edge of a table when he would talk, and if you were sitting in a chair the show would begin. He must have had that thing trained with all the gyrations and acrobatics it would go through while he talked. Of course everyone tried not to look but like lookey loo's at a traffic accident it was hard to help it.
Now you may be wondering why anyone would be sitting down while ole Carp was a jib jabbing away, why a person wouldn't just leave so as to avoid the "show." You see Carp was a motivational speaker hired by the corporate big wigs to try and motivate and invigorate the company employee's. Actually he wasn't hired directly but by default he is what we got. Originally there was another more qualified speaker who was supposed to come but she backed out at the last minute and recommended Carp. Whether this was a trick used by motivational speakers to give work to Carp I don't know but Carp was working and so was his little friend.
I don't know if Carp lived in a van down by the river but I do know he was as strange as a duck fart in a movie theater.
Carp would start off his motivational speech by saying, "Whoo, I got blind stabbed lucky to get this little doobie. If old Betsy Wetsy hadn't got sick I wouldn't have ever had this chance to meet you fine folks." At this point I should add that Carp sounded like Earnest T from the Andy Griffeth show.
As the verbal prowess continued to flow from his mouth and the acrobatics in his pant commenced he would say something like, "What are you guys looking at? The look on your faces is really starting to freak me out." Once when a fellow peer tried to ask him a question Carp responded with, "It doesn't matter if your left leg is up the sun is shining and it is a half moon it just doesn't matter!"
One of the human resource people that were there said something like, At our company we use had wipes to clean our hands instead of soap as it is more environmentally friendly, to which Carp responded, "Well whoopdidadgumdoo!"
At this point I was having a hard time holding in my laughter and carps trouser snake was giving me the old shut up gesture so I started to write down his sayings rather than take notes as I felt this was a better use of my time and would perhaps allow me to miss out on most of TS's antics. (TS is short for trouser snake)
It was at his point when out of the blue, previously he had been talking about raising minature horses, he exclaimed, "Watermelon? Some eat it!" Huh? So I wrote it down. when talking about something difficult he would say, "it will be like trying to push a wet noodle up a 45 degree slope." Yeah old Carp had a million of them and they just kept coming.
At times I felt as if I were inside a Stephen King novel expecting Carp to shed his human skin and allow his reptilian self out for a snack. When excited he would exclaim, "mugguly, mugguly, mugguly or hookagoochi's." He also had a knack for using acronyms that only he knew what they meant. An example of this would be, "I put an RFP to the PMP who gave me a SOW to put into the WBS as specified in the PMBOK." What the crap er carp?
About this time is when it started to get weird. Carp started to dance around like his tail was on fire and his ass was catching. He asked on of my fellow workers to see if he could do any better. He started to talk about breeding horses and how he had seven hundred mini steers or some such. I started to wonder if he was running some type of animal human sex farm like Doctor Morreua.
Several times I thought I was going to die of laughter or fright or both, didn't know. By now carp was sweating like Lance Armstrong at the halfway point. Only thing was now old trouser bob was looking as if he was going to poke his way out of the dime store pants and attack at any moment. The more excited Carp got the more excited TS got until......
You remember the little flap of cloth holding the pants together? Well the button snapped right off there from all the pressure and out popped..........
A small squirrel........
It seems old Carp liked to have a little company down in his pants for motivation when motivationally speaking and things had gotten little out of hand....er....in squirrel hands.....
After apologizing and while the police cuffed him and the squirrel and hauled them off to wherever they take squirrel molestors....
Carp asked, "whoopdidagumdoo that was exciting, when would you all like me to come back and finish what I started?"
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Guitar
Here is a pic of my new guitar and amp. You can see my old amp in the background. It is really cool and sounds so good but I need to buy a cabinet for it. It is an old fashioned tube amp. My new amp is also a tube amp but my old one has a cleaner sound.
One of these days I will post up a vid of me playing when I get the time to make one. This will have to do for now. Oh yeah, you know dads old Hondo? It is worth about 750.00 and my old electric is still worth about 250.00. Cool huh.
One of these days I will post up a vid of me playing when I get the time to make one. This will have to do for now. Oh yeah, you know dads old Hondo? It is worth about 750.00 and my old electric is still worth about 250.00. Cool huh.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Pigeons Finally Arrived
The pigieons in the photo's are not the ones I originally was going to get. I ordered these from someone else. There are three of them and they are really cool. I am thinking about buying another four as the guy has a super deal on them. These are roller pigeons meaning they fly up and then roll and dive bomb and they do it all synchronized. They are so different than park pigeons. Very sleek and actually pretty small. I can carry one in one hand.
The photos are were taken by me inside the loft I built for them. Thats my loft with me standing beside it. the cage on the front is there to allow them to go outside when they want. I still need to add a one way fly door, lets them in but not out, but that will wait for now.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Clifton
Last night I was sitting around thinking about nothing and into my head pops Clifton. I found myself thinking about Lynn Davis and when i used to work for him, feeding and branding cows. I was about 13 when I was walking past his house, or more specifically his old red rundown barn, when he hollered out, "A dollar for what you know."
Being a dumb 13 year old I really didn't know what to say other than, not much. Little did I know I missed out on making that dollar, which back in those days would have bought 2 cokes and 2 candy bars. A few days later he asked if i wanted a job helping him feed his cows, which I jumped at as I was always reading old westerns and wanted to be a cowboy so bad.
I worked for Lynn until I was 18 and when I quit I was making ten dollars a week, whoo hoo! I had a lot of fun with him, driving his truck and shooting coyotes and learning about cows. He used to take me to the sale barn in Preston and sometimes let me bid on a cow or bull I liked. I have many fond memories of Lynn, more than I can write her but someday I need to sit down and write all the stories as some of them are really funny like the time I got chased all over by a calf but that is a story for another day.
So like I was saying I got to thinking about Lynn and wondering if he was still alive. I decided to turn to the Internet and look up the Preston Citizen. I found it and typed in his name and found he had just recently passed away. He died on December 4th 2006 at the age of 88. His wife is still alive which is surprising because I thought she would be the first to go.
I remember the last time I saw him. I was about 27 years old and he didn't recognize me hardly at all. He was sitting at the counter of the old Cowboy Cafe in Preston and I was there eating lunch. This is when I drove for Naylors.
I guess there are some good memories in that weird old town as well as bad.
Being a dumb 13 year old I really didn't know what to say other than, not much. Little did I know I missed out on making that dollar, which back in those days would have bought 2 cokes and 2 candy bars. A few days later he asked if i wanted a job helping him feed his cows, which I jumped at as I was always reading old westerns and wanted to be a cowboy so bad.
I worked for Lynn until I was 18 and when I quit I was making ten dollars a week, whoo hoo! I had a lot of fun with him, driving his truck and shooting coyotes and learning about cows. He used to take me to the sale barn in Preston and sometimes let me bid on a cow or bull I liked. I have many fond memories of Lynn, more than I can write her but someday I need to sit down and write all the stories as some of them are really funny like the time I got chased all over by a calf but that is a story for another day.
So like I was saying I got to thinking about Lynn and wondering if he was still alive. I decided to turn to the Internet and look up the Preston Citizen. I found it and typed in his name and found he had just recently passed away. He died on December 4th 2006 at the age of 88. His wife is still alive which is surprising because I thought she would be the first to go.
I remember the last time I saw him. I was about 27 years old and he didn't recognize me hardly at all. He was sitting at the counter of the old Cowboy Cafe in Preston and I was there eating lunch. This is when I drove for Naylors.
I guess there are some good memories in that weird old town as well as bad.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Dumb Husband
Recently I heard a true story about a woman who had gotten pulled over for driving 48mph in a 25 zone. Said woman proceeded to go home where she told her husband that she had been given a ticket but that she intended to fight it because, as he knew she never ever went over the limit. Husband asked why she would fight it? The following is the story she told him.....
I was driving along minding my speed when I was pulled over by a police woman. This woman came to the window and it was obvious she was a dike as she was 6'2" and weighed 325 pounds. she then proceeded to tell me that I had been going 48 in a 25 to which I replied, show me the radar gun. The dike bitch refused but she did however tell me that if I were nicer she would consider letting me off with a warning. She implied that if I played ball that I wouldn't have to take the ticket. I felt as if I were sexually assaulted and so I intend to fight it and accuse this officer of sexual harrasment.
the Husband believed his wife and is helping her fight this.
Let us take a moment to analyze this story.
#1. I have never yet met a person who always drives the speed limit
#2. I have never met a woman who ever told the truth about a speeding ticket to her husband.
#3 Why is it that all these women officers are 6'2" and 325 pounds. Perhaps the woman didn't realize that this lady wouldn't even fit into a patrol car let alone pass the physical for the Highway Patrol. See Vid
#4. Why is it people always assume that tall fat women are dikes?
#5, Why do women always assume the dike likes them and is making passes
#6. Why do women think everything is sexual harrasment?
My theory.....
Wife was speeding her ass off through town and got pulled over by a tall but average weight female officer. Knowing that ther husband would be pissed as this was her umpteenth ticket she decided to make up a story to make herself look better.
She needed to make herself look better because she weighs in at a crisp 300 pounds.
To me this makes the husband a dee dee dee! How stupid would he have to be to fall for that one?
I was driving along minding my speed when I was pulled over by a police woman. This woman came to the window and it was obvious she was a dike as she was 6'2" and weighed 325 pounds. she then proceeded to tell me that I had been going 48 in a 25 to which I replied, show me the radar gun. The dike bitch refused but she did however tell me that if I were nicer she would consider letting me off with a warning. She implied that if I played ball that I wouldn't have to take the ticket. I felt as if I were sexually assaulted and so I intend to fight it and accuse this officer of sexual harrasment.
the Husband believed his wife and is helping her fight this.
Let us take a moment to analyze this story.
#1. I have never yet met a person who always drives the speed limit
#2. I have never met a woman who ever told the truth about a speeding ticket to her husband.
#3 Why is it that all these women officers are 6'2" and 325 pounds. Perhaps the woman didn't realize that this lady wouldn't even fit into a patrol car let alone pass the physical for the Highway Patrol. See Vid
#4. Why is it people always assume that tall fat women are dikes?
#5, Why do women always assume the dike likes them and is making passes
#6. Why do women think everything is sexual harrasment?
My theory.....
Wife was speeding her ass off through town and got pulled over by a tall but average weight female officer. Knowing that ther husband would be pissed as this was her umpteenth ticket she decided to make up a story to make herself look better.
She needed to make herself look better because she weighs in at a crisp 300 pounds.
To me this makes the husband a dee dee dee! How stupid would he have to be to fall for that one?
Friday, June 15, 2007
Don't want to get Dooced
I took off the Jilly posts. Heaven forbid i get dooced. With my luck that is exactly what would happen.
I am feeling better today and have made up my mind to stay were I am. I do however intend to talk to the man about roles and responsibilities and make them very clear.
I am feeling better today and have made up my mind to stay were I am. I do however intend to talk to the man about roles and responsibilities and make them very clear.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Master of All Masters
Those of you who know me know how hard I have been searching for this book. Today was my lucky day as I found a copy in excellent condition for 10.99 so I ordered it straight away. I am so excited!!!!
In the meantime please enjoy the story i have been searching a lifetime to find.....
This was a story that mom read to me when i was a child, some of you may remember it also, enjoy!
A GIRL once went to the fair to hire herself for servant. At last a funny-looking old gentleman engaged her, and took her home to his house. When she got there, he told her that he had something to teach her, for that in his house he had his own names for things.
He said to her: 'What will you call me?'
'Master or mister, or whatever you please, sir,' says she.
He said: 'You must call me "master of all masters". And what would you call this?' pointing to his bed.
'Bed or couch, or whatever you please, sir.'
'No, that's my "barnacle". And what do you call these?' said he, pointing to his pantaloons.
'Breeches or trousers, or whatever you please, sir.'
'You must call them "squibs and crackers". And what would you call her?' pointing to the cat.
'Cat or kit, or whatever you please, sir.'
'You must call her "white-faced simminy".
And this now,' showing the fire, 'what would you call this?'
'Fire or flame, or whatever you please, sir.'
'You must call it 'hot cockalorum", and what this?' he went on, pointing to the water.
'Water or wet, or whatever you please, sir.'
'No, "pondalorum" is its name. And what do you call all this?' asked he as he pointed to the house.
'House or cottage, or whatever you please, sir.'
'You must call it "high topper mountain".'
That very night the servant woke her master up in a fright and said: 'Master of all masters, get out of your barnacle and put on your squibs and crackers. For white-faced simminy has got a spark of hot cockalorum on its tail, and unless you get some pondalorum high topper mountain will be all on hot cockalorum' . . . That's all.
In the meantime please enjoy the story i have been searching a lifetime to find.....
This was a story that mom read to me when i was a child, some of you may remember it also, enjoy!
A GIRL once went to the fair to hire herself for servant. At last a funny-looking old gentleman engaged her, and took her home to his house. When she got there, he told her that he had something to teach her, for that in his house he had his own names for things.
He said to her: 'What will you call me?'
'Master or mister, or whatever you please, sir,' says she.
He said: 'You must call me "master of all masters". And what would you call this?' pointing to his bed.
'Bed or couch, or whatever you please, sir.'
'No, that's my "barnacle". And what do you call these?' said he, pointing to his pantaloons.
'Breeches or trousers, or whatever you please, sir.'
'You must call them "squibs and crackers". And what would you call her?' pointing to the cat.
'Cat or kit, or whatever you please, sir.'
'You must call her "white-faced simminy".
And this now,' showing the fire, 'what would you call this?'
'Fire or flame, or whatever you please, sir.'
'You must call it 'hot cockalorum", and what this?' he went on, pointing to the water.
'Water or wet, or whatever you please, sir.'
'No, "pondalorum" is its name. And what do you call all this?' asked he as he pointed to the house.
'House or cottage, or whatever you please, sir.'
'You must call it "high topper mountain".'
That very night the servant woke her master up in a fright and said: 'Master of all masters, get out of your barnacle and put on your squibs and crackers. For white-faced simminy has got a spark of hot cockalorum on its tail, and unless you get some pondalorum high topper mountain will be all on hot cockalorum' . . . That's all.
Guy Terrifico
Have any of you seen this movie? If you haven't don't. It is about a country music singer from the seventies. It sounds good because Chris Kristoferson is in it (one of my hero's) and also Merle Haggard (another hero). It is actually quite dumb and i had to quite watching it.
For those of you who know me you know it must really suck because I like such great flicks like: escanaba in da moonlight, Rueben and Ed, and my all time favorite, Idiocricy.
I decided not to check in with Jilly Back today because he is a dick-head!
I took today and tomorrrow off from work because i truly needed a break. I have been thinking of a change and interviewed today on the phone for another job. I have an in person interview set up for next Tuesday. More on this later.
Another reason i took a couple of days off was because of Jilly Back, what a freakin (mom would be proud) loser. If I had to look at his stupid redneck face one more time this week I think I would have spewed.
I haven't got my shipping container for my pigeons yet and this is really chapping my hide. I really want these birds as I think they will be fun.
Oh well enough crying for today.
see ya wouldn't want to be ya!
For those of you who know me you know it must really suck because I like such great flicks like: escanaba in da moonlight, Rueben and Ed, and my all time favorite, Idiocricy.
I decided not to check in with Jilly Back today because he is a dick-head!
I took today and tomorrrow off from work because i truly needed a break. I have been thinking of a change and interviewed today on the phone for another job. I have an in person interview set up for next Tuesday. More on this later.
Another reason i took a couple of days off was because of Jilly Back, what a freakin (mom would be proud) loser. If I had to look at his stupid redneck face one more time this week I think I would have spewed.
I haven't got my shipping container for my pigeons yet and this is really chapping my hide. I really want these birds as I think they will be fun.
Oh well enough crying for today.
see ya wouldn't want to be ya!
Friday, June 8, 2007
Inlaws
My inlaws have been at my house since last Saturday afternoon, they are leaving tomorrow,yay! No don't get me wrong I love them and all but I hate having people in my home much at all and a week is just ridiculous. Today i told my daughter the when she grew up and had a family I wouldn't come stay with her I would get a motel room so that she and her family could have a minutes rest each night. she spouted off....YAY!!!!!
let me tell you how this all began.....
Back in April my red hot smokin wife (Talledega nights, go see it so you will get it) recieved a phone call from her mom. Said mom asked if we would like to have her piano as her brother had bit the old dirt turd and she had gotten his Steinway baby grand piano and therefore had no room for her old upright. A tear comes to my eye when I think about my mother in law butchering hymms and other sanctified songs on this beautiful instrument but I digress..... No it really is sad, I can just imagine old Steinway himself rolling over in his shroud of croaking and beggin her to please stop. pllleeeeeaaaaassssseeeeee........
On with the show as they say... So my red hot smokin wife put her hand over the mouthpeice fo the phone, why is it that everybody does that and everybody knows it doesn't work, and asks if we would like the old upright, to which I reply sure, why not. Now I am not a huge piano fan but I thought, what the heck maybe the girls and I can learn to play a little better and after all the damn thing was free so what the heck. The wifey gets back on the phone and says sure we would love the piano at which time the evil witch of the west rears her head and says, "great but we aren't giving it to you we need to get one thousand dollars for it."
What the heck? She just inherited a piano worth maybe 25k and she wants us to buy her old handmedown. You have got to be jokin! Well after i bitched about it she agreed to let us, out of the goodness of her heart, make payments on the damn thing starting in January. Oh lucky day, oh yeah we "owed" her some other money from like 12 years ago and she said she would also apply the payments to that. When asked how much we owed she said $3535.57, including the piano, but out of the goodness of her heart and the genorosity bestowed upon her by God she did say she would forgive the .57 damn cents which made my day let me tell you. I mean that might have broken the bank right there, I mean .57 cents whoo hoo hoo how freakin nice of the old bag of punch.
So anyway, here they are staying at my house eating my food while i finance their vacation with my piano money and that stinkin .57 cents which i ought to give them before they leave just to show I mean to pay back all the money I ever owed them. Hey wait a minute I think I paid for my own wedding and they only rented the wife a dress hmmm maybe they should pay me for that and then i could pay them back. I think with interest it come out to be around oh lets see divide by 12 and carry the 2.....23496.75 but out of respect for my mother in law I would be willing to forgive her the .75 cents.
Oh well I am off to the store to buy something for them to eat for breakfast. hope they like tofu and turds!!!!!!
let me tell you how this all began.....
Back in April my red hot smokin wife (Talledega nights, go see it so you will get it) recieved a phone call from her mom. Said mom asked if we would like to have her piano as her brother had bit the old dirt turd and she had gotten his Steinway baby grand piano and therefore had no room for her old upright. A tear comes to my eye when I think about my mother in law butchering hymms and other sanctified songs on this beautiful instrument but I digress..... No it really is sad, I can just imagine old Steinway himself rolling over in his shroud of croaking and beggin her to please stop. pllleeeeeaaaaassssseeeeee........
On with the show as they say... So my red hot smokin wife put her hand over the mouthpeice fo the phone, why is it that everybody does that and everybody knows it doesn't work, and asks if we would like the old upright, to which I reply sure, why not. Now I am not a huge piano fan but I thought, what the heck maybe the girls and I can learn to play a little better and after all the damn thing was free so what the heck. The wifey gets back on the phone and says sure we would love the piano at which time the evil witch of the west rears her head and says, "great but we aren't giving it to you we need to get one thousand dollars for it."
What the heck? She just inherited a piano worth maybe 25k and she wants us to buy her old handmedown. You have got to be jokin! Well after i bitched about it she agreed to let us, out of the goodness of her heart, make payments on the damn thing starting in January. Oh lucky day, oh yeah we "owed" her some other money from like 12 years ago and she said she would also apply the payments to that. When asked how much we owed she said $3535.57, including the piano, but out of the goodness of her heart and the genorosity bestowed upon her by God she did say she would forgive the .57 damn cents which made my day let me tell you. I mean that might have broken the bank right there, I mean .57 cents whoo hoo hoo how freakin nice of the old bag of punch.
So anyway, here they are staying at my house eating my food while i finance their vacation with my piano money and that stinkin .57 cents which i ought to give them before they leave just to show I mean to pay back all the money I ever owed them. Hey wait a minute I think I paid for my own wedding and they only rented the wife a dress hmmm maybe they should pay me for that and then i could pay them back. I think with interest it come out to be around oh lets see divide by 12 and carry the 2.....23496.75 but out of respect for my mother in law I would be willing to forgive her the .75 cents.
Oh well I am off to the store to buy something for them to eat for breakfast. hope they like tofu and turds!!!!!!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Quick Hillbilly post
I can't make fun of the south like I used to....at least not as much.....after my trip to Evanston Wyoming.
What a redneck little town that was. Nothing but hillbillies who couldn't even dress up to go to a graduation ceremony. Since when are flip flops, short shorts, and tank tops okay to wear to a graduation? I was the best dressed person there next to the students. I guess the parents had to spend all their money on their kids gowns and suits and only had enough left over to go buy the only set of overhauls that Wal Mart carried.
The principal asked for people to stand who had graduated from high school and walked across that very stage. If it had been me I would have remained seated so that everyone wouldn't have known what a loser I was to still be living in Evanston.
I can hear it now......
Yessiree Darylynn (classic Utah Wyoming name blending the father and the mothers first names to name a girl) that there principal stood right up there and said how bout all you folks with no life or ambition who er still livin here in dumpsville stand on up and make the rest of us losers feel better! Whoo eeee I were so proud that I had gradeeated from Eeeevanston high shcrool, let me tell ya! It was like I were a rock star fer a moment.
What a redneck little town that was. Nothing but hillbillies who couldn't even dress up to go to a graduation ceremony. Since when are flip flops, short shorts, and tank tops okay to wear to a graduation? I was the best dressed person there next to the students. I guess the parents had to spend all their money on their kids gowns and suits and only had enough left over to go buy the only set of overhauls that Wal Mart carried.
The principal asked for people to stand who had graduated from high school and walked across that very stage. If it had been me I would have remained seated so that everyone wouldn't have known what a loser I was to still be living in Evanston.
I can hear it now......
Yessiree Darylynn (classic Utah Wyoming name blending the father and the mothers first names to name a girl) that there principal stood right up there and said how bout all you folks with no life or ambition who er still livin here in dumpsville stand on up and make the rest of us losers feel better! Whoo eeee I were so proud that I had gradeeated from Eeeevanston high shcrool, let me tell ya! It was like I were a rock star fer a moment.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Pigeons
This post may or may not be funny but I felt I should let everyone know what I am doing.
I have decided to build a pigeon loft and buy a mated pair of roller pigeons to put in it. Initially I plan to use these pigeons to help train my retriever, "Aussie". I plan to clip their wings and throw them out for him to retrieve. Don't worry this is a fairly common practice and retriever's have very soft mouths which do not typically injure the birds. This is the absolute best way to train a retriever.
After surfing several web sites regarding pigeon raising I think it may also be fun to race these birds. They really are amazing and I think will make a great hobby for me and the girls. They can fly up to 600 miles in a day and many people race them cross the entire country.
Although the picture at the top is very small it is a picture of my pigeons. Of course they are not here yet but I should have them by next Tuesday or Wednesday the 12th or 13th. One is a yellow bar cock and the hen is a red bar. Cool huh!
Saturday, June 2, 2007
This Blog is Rated R
Against my better judgement I have decided to re-open Lord of The South. Many people have complained to me and asked that I start it back up so here it is.
WARNING.....WARNING.....WARNING.....
Some of the content of this blog may offend some and make others angry, get over it. Feel free to post whatever comments and opinions you have, I of all people do not wish to limit free speech. As such I will at times post words and phrases that are not appropriate for young children and or sensitive people so PLEASE IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE DO NOT READ MY BLOG!
If after reading this you decide to continue to read my blog do not complain about the content YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
WARNING.....WARNING.....WARNING.....
Some of the content of this blog may offend some and make others angry, get over it. Feel free to post whatever comments and opinions you have, I of all people do not wish to limit free speech. As such I will at times post words and phrases that are not appropriate for young children and or sensitive people so PLEASE IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE DO NOT READ MY BLOG!
If after reading this you decide to continue to read my blog do not complain about the content YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
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