I Have Had an NDE

Hello, my name is Lord and I would like to share an experience with you. I died back in(insert fictitious date here) and while dead had an NDE or NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE for those of you not in the know. Of course I sprung back to life later.....or did I.......hmmmmmm interesting thought. Perhaps I am actually in hell and this is my punishment for eternity........

Back to the NDE......

So I was chillin at home one night and whoops forgot to tell you about how crappy my life was growing up......

Dad and Mom were poor so we never had anything. I worked my butt off and gave it all to them. Dad whipped me with his belt while mom beat me with kitchen utensils. At the ripe old age of eight I was forced into life as a male gigolo and began to administer random acts of kindness to older men (for the naive please read between the lines). My life sucked so I decided to make it better but no matter how I tried I failed so as I was saying....

I was chillin at home one night when all of a sudden in the wink of an eye a Cadillac Sedan passed me by.....whoops those are the words to Hot rod Lincoln.....

So there I was chillin when long story short I croaked, ate the dirt sandwich, checked out, passed away, died, went to see my maker, bit the dust, crapped out, started to rot, checked out, stepped into the casket, you know died as in DEAD!

Don't ask what killed me cause I don't know. What I do know I will relay in the following story:

So there I am chillin and all of a sudden I am looking down on myself and going, "man this is wack I look so fat, I should go to the gym." and then it hits me, man this ain't right. About this time I am whisked away to some strange land where there is so much love an beauty. The colors were so vivid and strange like nothing on earth. I was communicating with, well I really don't know what but I was communicating just the same. All of my questions were answered immediately and so since I knew everything, I started to check out the new diggs. I walked past a building that was a library and thought cool since I haven't had answers to all my questions yet I will go in and check it out but then I realized I already Had all my questions answered except one...why the heck is there a library when all your questions have already been answered? Wait a minute if I knew all then why did I need to walk around the new diggs wouldn't I already know what it looked like and where it was and wait a minute I smell a rat!

So I went in the library and looked in one of the giant tomes and it said....quit tellin stupid lies about the afterlife. What a dumb book!!!

So some old lady came up to me but she wasn't really old cause everybody was the same age, about 23, and said, "yo what's your name?" and so I introduced myself, "Westin Allen." She then said so Allen you know it is not your time....huh Allen I told her my name was WESTIN ALLEN what a dumb dead lady, couldn't be related...or could she....shouldn't I already know since all my questions were answered? Now this is a dilemma....

I think it was my 26th great grandmother the queen of England and so.....

I felt this giant sucking sound and then I was back in my body, but I had full knowledge of what I had seen. I also remembered all my questions that had been answered and so I am now the richest and most famous person on the earth....

Wait a dern minute I am not....I think none of this happened. I hate NDE!!!!

I hope I never have another NDE/dream as it gets my hopes up and then dashes then to the ground when I find out it wasn't real.....but wait......

I could right a book and make millions, millions I tell you.

A subliminal message was included in this blog which will force you to go buy my book when it is released and then encourage your Friends to buy it also....

Excellent (I say this while tapping my fingertips together) excellent!!!!!!

Now what......

Oh shite it is the piebald face coming in for the kill. Help me hippoman I am in trouble....

The purple fields of foliage are so beautiful where is particle man?

I sit among the pansies looking for gold with a triangle and a Rolex which doesn't work for protection.

I know no comments on this one way to -out there- for yall.

I say comment or die lame excuses for relatives.

Watch out for the NDE don't let it get you!!!!!!